Closing a Chapter

 

Today would have been my first day back at work at the high school library after the summer break.

Would have been... however, I quit over the summer. It's a long story and I don't want to bore you with it. I did feel though that this job no longer was healthy for my own well-being.

The past year, which definitely was the weirdest school year I ever experienced, gave me a lot of opportunity to re-assess what is important in my life. At the beginning of 2020 - when no one was talking about COVID-19 - I had turned 60 which for me was the point where I seriously thought about what to make of the time that I still have. When I started this job in the high school library - right after my daughter had graduated from the same school - I enjoyed it even though every now and then it was quite a drag. Except for the first year, every year I worked there was marked by major school closures due to wildfires (the Tubbs fire in October 2017 that burned down several neighborhoods in our city was the first one), smoke and preventative power shut-offs. We dealt with it, grateful for the long summer break that gave us the opportunity to relax and start the next school year with new energy.

I started with that same level of new energy after last year's summer, but something changed profoundly during the pandemic school year. The workload was okay and I finally had the time to get tasks done that I had wanted to accomplish for a long time. But I did not enjoy it anymore. Yes, there are always periods when the job is not particularly enjoyable - but this was somehow different. 

I wrestled with the situation for a long time, tried to tell myself that this would be temporary, that I am a positive person who is resilient and most of all, who DOESN'T QUIT. I even started to meditate hoping that it would help me with my anxiety that I had developed (very new for me) and that would get me back in the "right mindset". But there was another voice, first quite low, but eventually getting louder and demanding to be heard. It was a constant "do you really want to go on like this?".

So I thought - one more year. That perked me up for the remaining weeks of the school year. And then, at the end of the last day of the school year, when I was ready to go home, I took all my personal stuff with me - not that there was a lot, just a couple photos of my daughter, a couple pens and a notebook. There was this thought, "maye I don't come back for another year, so take your things just in case".

Five days later I wrote my letter of resignation.

Now I can solely concentrate on my teaching job at the German School which has become considerably more work intensive over the past 15 months and which is the job I truly enjoy and love. The overwhelming emotion at this point is relief. This morning, when I woke up my first thought was "I'm so glad I don't have to go to the high school anymore!".

Just like my daughter said five years ago after graduating, I say today "I'm done!"

Looking Back

 

Only a few more hours and 2020 will be history. What a weird and strange year it has been. While this was not the worst year in my life - there were years far worse than this - it certainly was the most unique.

Much has been said about 2020 and I don't want to waste your time with repeating the same old sentiments about the virus and its consequences. The circus about the election still hasn't stopped. The life of too many people has been disrupted in a terrible way.

When I look back at the year I am surprised how quickly it passed, even though there were times when we thought nothing was moving. Despite stay-at-home orders and lockdowns I had more work than before. The new situation of teaching online had its fair share of challenges, but also many opportunities. While preparing classes was taking a lot longer, teaching was still a positive experience. It forced me to keep an open mind, to learn from my mistakes, to see what worked and what didn't and make amendments. It was interesting and exhausting at the same time. I was able to offer new classes which added to my work load, but boy! did I like it!

My Esty store also took off this year in a way I hadn't experienced before. While at the beginning of the year it was mainly Valentine's cards that I sold, customers were asking for hand knitted socks once the pandemic was under way. I knitted 68 pairs of socks for the store alone, plus some more for friends, famiy and myself. Add to this some hats, scarves, mittens and photo cards you can see that I was busy.

Since there was no way we could go anywhere I spent a lot of time in the garden whenever I could. I was digging and planting, changing the layout of the garden and enjoying the beauty surrounding me. That certainly kept me sane! Due to the unhealthy air for several weeks due to the multiple wildfires in our state and beyond, this time was cut short in the second half of summer, but by then the new school year had already started and I didn't have that much time for this kind of leisure anyway.

When I went to see Kaefer in Davis on Valentine's Day and we had a nice lunch on the patio of a restaurant, I had no idea that this was the last time I ate at a restaurant this year. After that it was me preparing meals every single day (sometimes, though, it was just a frozen pizza from Trader Joe's). I think we only picked up food from a restaurant two or three times. Since I had subscribed to the Morning Briefing of the New York Times which includes one recipe each day, I didn't run out of new and inspiring ideas. I tried many new dishes and some of them quickly became favorites.

Good thing that Kaefer had given me a fun apron! I wore it almost every day.

The big event in our family, of course, was Kaefer's graduation from the University of California, Davis. She graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Human Development and Global Disease Biology which is a good foundation for her new undertaking, studying for her Masters in Epidemiology at Ludwig-Maximilians-Universität in Munich. She left right after Labor Day - bittersweet for us and I sure miss her a lot.

When I look back at the time since the beginning of the pandemic, I am amazed at the creativity that I saw during those months. First it was just the "communal howling" in our neighborhood every evening at 8:00. Then the virtual wildlife turned up, including the tiger in our backyard. Everywhere something was turning up - sidewalk art, people playing music from their balconies (Italy), others reading to kids via Zoom etc. The creative solutions we found at work and new ways to exercise. We started a Happy Hour in the street with our neighbors that we only stopped a few weeks ago with our holiday lockdown that didn't permit gatherings of any size, even outside.

What did I miss most? Certainly being together with our friends - that was worse than the cancelled trip to Australia. We had a few social distanced get togethers, but this simply wasn't the same. I miss the spontaneity of "normal" times and I wonder when or even if we will ever experience that again. I miss not being able to hug my friends. 

I sure hope that 2021 will bring vaccines to all of us and we will be able to hug each other again, to be together without being afraid to spread a virus that we still don't understand. 

To all of you I wish a happy, peaceful and healthy 2021.

Gratitude in Difficult Times

 

Tomorrow we celebrate Thanksgiving, certainly a different holiday for many this year than all the years before. Many of us will follow the CDC guidelines and stay home, celebrating only with the people in our household. The turkey will be much smaller and maybe there won't be that many side dishes because Aunt Mary who usually made the sweet potatoes with marshmallows is not coming this year. My husband and I will be the only ones at the Thanksgiving table (usually we celebrate with friends) and we won't have turkey since we both don't like turkey too much anyway.

While scaled down, I hope all of you will have a lovely Thanksgiving.

This is the time when we normally give thanks (which we honestly should do every day). But what about giving thanks in a year that has been so different? A year about which most people only complain and whine? When people lost loved ones to a virus we still don't understand, or lost a job because of the economy's downturn? It must be difficult to be thankful.

But the rest of us?

So far I don't know anybody who became sick with the virus and I'm glad that I don't. There you have it, first thing to be grateful for. I myself am healthy and so is my family and are my friends and colleagues. Second thing to be deeply grateful for. 

As every day I am grateful for my family. I couldn't have a better husband than the Geek, and I can't think of having a better daughter than Kaefer. Yes, I miss her and this virus doesn't even give us the remote possibility of just dreaming about seeing each other. But she is healthy, she likes living in Munich, she enjoys her studies and the international environment of her University program. What would I do without my family? My husband's humor often has filled a darker hour with light, and modern technology enables us to have video calls with Kaefer whenever we want. I'm certainly thankful for that.

We both still have our jobs. While both my jobs have changed due to distance learning, it has also offered opportunities to learn. The biggest change in this regard has been my work at the German School since I was able to offer conversation classes during the summer and an add-on class this fall in creative writing. Before we even started to think about online classes I had this idea of teaching a creative writing class because I know how difficult it is to write in a language that is not your first language. The pandemic handed me the opportunity to do this much sooner than I had expected. Yes, I was nervous - I was downright terrified, to be honest - but then the class went much better than I had hoped. It was a lot of work, but so worth it. So so grateful for that!

Beside all these changes in my jobs I was also very busy with my Etsy shop. It kind of took off during the pandemic. Suddenly everybody wants hand knitted socks! I don't think I spent a single day since March without working my knitting needles.

I am grateful for our warm home where we can snuggle up - and my garden. Working in the garden was a particular big help this year. Creating something beautiful not only for me but also for people who walk by and often stop for a chat (socially distanced of course). Another gardener two blocks down and I exchanged gardening knowledge and plants. Reading many gardening books inspired me and motivated to some changes - like new paths and an even more organic way to treat the garden than I already had done. The result has been a gorgeous garden that still has several plants in bloom.

We finally had some rain which (hopefully) means the end of the fire season - VERY grateful for that. This season, especially these days around Thanksgiving, are so full of color that it almost takes my breath away. It seems as if 2020 tries to make it up a little bit. Fall color is at its peak right now and it is simply stunning. Every day I walk through the neighborhood and beyond, admiring this magnificent display of nature.

There is so much to be grateful for.

Last Thursday in my creative writing class I asked my students in a timed writing exercise to write about what they are grateful for. Following that we did an exercise writing a longer text about "the pandemic and I". Afterwards all of them said that writing about gratitude first changed their outlook about 2020. It's just a question of perspective I guess.

What are you grateful for?

Quarantine Kitchen

In my last food related post I promised that there will be a part 2 to the food that we ate during the shelter-in-place. This is more of a look back now since the county has re-opened and it seems that people are getting out more. Restaurants are open for dine-in - most of them using patio space and dining outside which here in Northern California is a no-brainer, really. But I do wonder whether is has been such a smart idea to open up while still being in the middle of a pandemic. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away. No surprise that the number of newly infected cases is going up almost everywhere in the country.

But - back to food. Very often I cook without any recipe, like the dish in the photo on top. Seafood mix, red bell pepper, edamame and chow mein noodles all thrown in a wok with some good spices make a satisfying dinner. My secret ingredient for this is sesame oil, and apart from that any food you can find in your kitchen. Just use your imagination and experiment with different spices.

One of our favorite dishes from Italy is pesto. I don't make my own pesto since I found a wonderful pesto from Italy that always reminds me of Tuscany and the wonderful time we had there. Of course it's accompanied by a glass of California red wine.

When we had pesto we usually have some spaghetti left over that easily makes another meal. Again, I just use what I have - spinach and Bavarian bratwurst, broccoli and Bavarian bratwurst, eggplant and pancetta. There is no limit to your imagination.

Or you can make fritata with a salad on the side. Just make sure not to burn it like I did!

We do love that Bavarian bratwurst. I find this one at Trader Joe's, it comes right from Munich and is a true German bratwurst. We eat it with a broccoli-cauliflower gratin on the side and sometimes I eat it as a curry wurst just like in Germany.

Trader Joe's Instagram page also inspired me to try some of their ideas, like the "sweet balls of fire" - meatballs cooked in a sauce made from their sweet chili sauce and raspberry jam - so good! Even better with focaccia - this was my second try and it already was a big improvement from my first one.

I do love to cook seafood, so I made puff pastry shells with shrimp and a creamy sauce with cremini mushrooms, zucchini and red bell pepper (my own creation) as well as a lovely lemon baked cod (I found the recipe on Pinterest here). I'm always happy when I find a fish recipe that everybody likes and doesn't amount to a ton of work.

Have you heard of Shakshuka eggs? While it is a breakfast dish I made it for dinner once, first time I tried it because I wanted to bring a Middle Eastern dish to the table. While it wasn't a favorite, it was certainly very flavorful and delicious.

Let's not forget about desserts. While usually we just have a piece of chocolate to round out our dinner I sometimes make the effort to make a special dessert like Tiramisu which has been a favorite since I brought the recipe from Italy 25 years ago or so. Here is the recipe.

In our paper (or the New York Times, I can't remember) I found a recipe for a crumb cake that sounded easy enough. It doesn't look like much, but the taste was okay. I think I would like to add some fresh fruit on the side - strawberries or peaches - and some whipped cream.

And just to make this pandemic time a bit easier to endure, a good drink is never wasted - be it a maitai on a Sunday afternoon, white wine with the fish or a traditional German Erdbeerbowle.

Now go in the kitchen and make something beautiful!

Parks Are Open Again

A few weeks ago our parks were re-opened. First the parking lots remained closed and only people who live in the vicinity of a park could access it by foot or bike.

My favorite parks are not in walking distance from my home. While I could access the lake by bike, the ride there is no fun at all on busy roads with no bike lanes. Even riding along more quiet neighborhood streets can't avoid the busy intersections.

But the old rural cemetery is close to our neighborhood. It was also closed, but now finally we were able to access it again. Of course there were rules in place, all of which make perfect sense.

There was also another sign that was less comfortable...

We live in cougar country and they have been spotted in our neighborhood, so I was aware of my surroundings and avoided the most remote parts of the cemetery.

After the long closure of the parks and the complaining of the people about it I had expected that the cemetery was crowded because people were so eager to get outside and enjoy some nature. But to my surprise I was almost the only one wandering the trails.

A small section of the cemetery had been turned into a native plants garden years ago. It was a bit overgrown but there were still beautiful flowers to discover.

Calycanthus occidentalis (Spice Bush) 

Lepechinia clycina (California Pitcher Plant)

Of course Lathyrus latifolius, the perennial peavine, could be seen everywhere.

After walking for quite a while I found a bench where I sat down for a while, listening to the birds, breathing in the wonderful scent of the old trees, feeling the sun on my skin, hearing the whispering of the soft breeze in the leaves, watching busy little squirrels and just enjoying being in nature.

Only a week later the parking lots were opened as well while beaches at the ocean still remain closed (except for coastal residents). But I'm still weary of crowds and avoid the more popular parks. I find all the peace and calmness of nature in this old cemetery where time seems to stand still. This is enough for me right now.