When I was younger - in my twenties and thirties - I used to write a lot. I had dozens of little journals that I filled up in no time, pouring my heart into those pages. They were my lifesavers on my travels and when I lived abroad, the place where I would keep all the new impressions. These writings especially are wonderful records of places far away and I am glad that I have them. But I also wrote short stories, poems and something that I called "sketches", many of them unfinished, some of them worked over again and again.
Where has all that gone?
Since the birth of my daughter I haven't written into my journal on a regular basis as I used to. I only write fiercely when we are traveling in order to keep these memories. But where is all the heart wrenching? The truly honest moments when I wrote EVERYTHING down, knowing that this was for my eyes only. It always felt so good to write, problems got sorted out eventually, questions answered, inspiration hit.
Why did I stop?
I honestly don't know. But I feel inside me that I need to get back to writing, that I WANT to. I love writing my blog, but it is not my language. I need the pouring out, when my thoughts are way quicker than my pen (I always write with fast pens), when everything inside me just spills out without any order - and this I need to do in my own language. The language I grew up with, the language that still best reflects my emotions, the language with all these beautiful, poetic words - German. I love English, but German is the language of my heart.
So I decided to do the morning pages, as so well presented in Julia Cameron's "The Artist Way". Kaefer and I went to Target yesterday because I remembered having seen some beautiful journals there. And yes, they still were there. All kinds of journals, actually. They had them in packs of three and individual ones. Kaefer fell in love with the spiral notebook to the left. Both of us couldn't resist the small journals; she chose the one with the birds. I went for the pack of three beautiful composition books - just perfect for the morning pages.
This morning I started with the morning pages. I woke up with the word "wistful" in my mind - what a source for morning pages! No wonder I had filled my three pages within twenty minutes! Later I still had time to write into my regular journal - the one where I can play with words, write in both English and German (sometimes in the same sentence) and think before (!) I write. Two very different kinds of journals - and both just right for me.
The small journal? That will be turned into a gratitude journal. I take so much in my life for granted without saying thanks although I feel the gratitude, that I thought I want to write down what I am thankful for. I got the idea from my blogging friend Honey - thank you, Honey!
What about you? Do you keep a journal? Do you write morning pages?