Today would have been my first day back at work at the high school library after the summer break.
Would have been... however, I quit over the summer. It's a long story and I don't want to bore you with it. I did feel though that this job no longer was healthy for my own well-being.
The past year, which definitely was the weirdest school year I ever experienced, gave me a lot of opportunity to re-assess what is important in my life. At the beginning of 2020 - when no one was talking about COVID-19 - I had turned 60 which for me was the point where I seriously thought about what to make of the time that I still have. When I started this job in the high school library - right after my daughter had graduated from the same school - I enjoyed it even though every now and then it was quite a drag. Except for the first year, every year I worked there was marked by major school closures due to wildfires (the Tubbs fire in October 2017 that burned down several neighborhoods in our city was the first one), smoke and preventative power shut-offs. We dealt with it, grateful for the long summer break that gave us the opportunity to relax and start the next school year with new energy.
I started with that same level of new energy after last year's summer, but something changed profoundly during the pandemic school year. The workload was okay and I finally had the time to get tasks done that I had wanted to accomplish for a long time. But I did not enjoy it anymore. Yes, there are always periods when the job is not particularly enjoyable - but this was somehow different.
I wrestled with the situation for a long time, tried to tell myself that this would be temporary, that I am a positive person who is resilient and most of all, who DOESN'T QUIT. I even started to meditate hoping that it would help me with my anxiety that I had developed (very new for me) and that would get me back in the "right mindset". But there was another voice, first quite low, but eventually getting louder and demanding to be heard. It was a constant "do you really want to go on like this?".
So I thought - one more year. That perked me up for the remaining weeks of the school year. And then, at the end of the last day of the school year, when I was ready to go home, I took all my personal stuff with me - not that there was a lot, just a couple photos of my daughter, a couple pens and a notebook. There was this thought, "maye I don't come back for another year, so take your things just in case".
Five days later I wrote my letter of resignation.
Now I can solely concentrate on my teaching job at the German School which has become considerably more work intensive over the past 15 months and which is the job I truly enjoy and love. The overwhelming emotion at this point is relief. This morning, when I woke up my first thought was "I'm so glad I don't have to go to the high school anymore!".
Just like my daughter said five years ago after graduating, I say today "I'm done!"
13 comments:
I like the I'm Done photo. Sometimes those are sweet words; I felt great when I retired from my 40 year librarian career. Now you can devote more energy to your other job.
Hooray for prioritising your mental health - the very best kind of self care (and something I struggle with).
Congratulations, Carola. Sometimes you just know when it is right for you to go -- going forward. There is no law to say that one day, if you find you miss it, you can't volunteer or even go back. But now is what matters. I think we have all learned in the last year to make choices that enrich our lives whenever possible because careful as we can be, who knows? I'm glad you did this and can now fully concentrate on the job you love.
Good decision. Better to enjoy what you're doing rather than feel obligated to continue doing something that's become a chore.
Good for you! Making yourself a priority is important.
Liebe Carola, das kann ich absolut verstehen. Ich bin ja schon lange im Ruhestand und ich muss sagen, die schrittweise Annäherung ist sehr hilfreich. Es ist doch gut, wenn man sich auf das Wesentliche konzentrieren kann.
Alles Gute!
Magdalena
It sounds like a good move on your part, Carola. Not being satisfied with the work and not wanting to be there anymore is a sure sign that it wasn't right for you. I hope you continue to enjoy your job at the German school. Teaching is so special wherever you go. And I really like this photo of your daughter on her Graduation day.
~Sheri
good to give yourself the attention you deserve. The only thing constant in the Universe is "change". It is so freeing to let things go that no longer serve you. Congrats as you get involved in new adventures.
The time youu still have sounds scary.
On one hand you´re right. On the other I read about people, mega-super fit, aged 40-something and just dropped dead. If that helps re-thinking. My W is 81 and super-fit, body and mind.
But I read you...
Also job-wise. I listened to my T, he was my team-leader "back then" - I did not re-apply for that job at the company I did feel uncomphy...
I had a "job" as trainee once. After graduating I worked for free! And it was horrible.
One morning I quit out of the blue. It was a long drive, so I was back two hours later. We lived with Ingo´s Grandma, on a village, she heard me coming, certainly. I just got out of the car - she smiled at me and said, "you look so relieved and happy, did you finally quit?".
(Oh, do I miss her)
We need to live a happy life. Right...
Once something stops being enjoyable, whatever that may be, it's time to give it up. it may be a bit corny but so true that life is indeed too short to stress about things. of course, that said, not everyone can make the decision to quit for various reasons. But everyone has personal reasons and needs and yours seems to have been thought out and good for you going forward, Carola.
Good for you, Carola. It isn't quitting, it is walking away from stress. I don't regret for one minute leaving my teaching job after 30 years and Now I spend my time doing everything I love. I sleep better, get more exercise and create more art. Hope you manage to do the same x
Sounds a good decision :)
All the best Jan
Good for you! I'm proud of you! Big Hugs!
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