Fathers and Daughters

 

Sunday is Father's Day in the US and for Nicole's Friday Face Off I want to talk about two fathers that I know fairly well.

One is my father, my Vati. He was a vet - first as a country vet in Lower Saxony where he had his own practice, later as a vet with the county in Northrhine-Westphalia - no more his own practice, but with a wide range of responsibilities. I'm pretty sure I have my love for animals from him.

In Switzerland, 1958

He was not an easy man. I think there was always an invisible burden about him that he carried after the end of World War II. He had lost almost all of his class mates in the war, he wasn't able to return to his home from where his parents and younger sister had to flee at the end of March 1945 and it took him more than a year to finally find his family again after he came back from captivity as a prisoner of war. He never seemed to lose his sense of not belonging.

My dad was 21 years old when the war ended. Like all his classmates he was immediately drafted into the Wehrmacht after he graduated from high school. He was with the Navy and did his training on a submarine. He was a POW for a year and after that traveled around many areas of Germany, often in open freight wagons, searching for his parents and sister. The stories he told me about that time are wild - the country was in shambles, the Black Market ruled (my dad had nothing to trade) and the only place that offered help regarding finding family and missing persons was the Red Cross that, because of the difficult times and the high demand, worked slowly. Eventually, after a lot of "wrong" turns, he found his parents and soon after he started to study veterinary medicine at the University of Gießen.

In 1954 he met my mother in a tiny village in Lower Saxony where she had lived as a refugee since 1945. He had the opportunity to work in a veterinary practice (the same one he later took over) there. They got married in 1955 in Lüneburg, a year later my brother came along and another four years later I completed the family. At that time my oldest sister from my mother's first marriage was already 17 years old.

There aren't many photos of my dad and myself. He was the photographer of the family; my mother was hopeless with the camera. I suspect that the few photos of my dad and myself were taken by my mom's younger sister, my godmother.

My relationship with my dad wasn't free of tension. We could drive each other up the wall. But he was also the one who always believed in me and encouraged me. He had confidence in me and supported me. He was extremely proud when I got my master's degree in both Chinese Studies and English Literature (beside my dad, I was the only one in our family who went to university). He always thought that I could do "big things" (what ever that was supposed to be) and in that he differed greatly from my mom.

I mentioned that he was the only photographer in the family. Well, that eventually changed. I was very curious about his camera and eager to try it out. One day he let me take a photo with his precious camera for the first time. I have been hooked ever since. This was my very first photo, taken on a hike in Austria in 1968.

My sister's husband and their three children never accepted my dad and more or less rejected him. It must have been very hurtful to him. He was so incredibly happy when Kaefer came along (my brother doesn't have any kids) and he spoiled her in every way possible.

He died at the age of 89. In the weeks and months before he died we often talked on the phone, and it was then that he told me a lot about his youth. I remember that I always had paper and pencil ready when we talked and I wrote everything down. 

And this little girl, Kaefer, made another man a father. A wonderful father.

The Geek and I had met in 1996 at Hewlett Packard in Böblingen, Germany, where we both worked - in two different departments, but on the same floor in the same division. We eventually became one of the many HP marriages and in 1998 Kaefer was born. She turned our life upside down, but in a very good and joyful way. We were a very happy family, and I believe we still are.

The Geek has been an amazing dad from day 1. Actually I should say from day 0, since we went through a very difficult pregnancy with a 9-week stay in the hospital for me. He really was my rock back then.

I was very lucky that I could stay home with Kaefer - I was 38 when she was born and had accomplished a few things in my life. This was a new chapter and I fully embraced it as a new mom. When the Geek came home in the evening, he played with her, he changed her diapers and on Sundays he would bathe her. Those were very special times for both of them. They "rode horses" together - one of my favorite photos.

And she was safe on his arm.

This reminds me of my dad and myself:

Three years later, in April 2001, our California adventure began.  The Geek had a lot of work, but he still had time for Kaefer. He always has had time for her. 

Letting the little princess ride on his back.

They both love to ice skate and do "daring" things like jumping from a plane. They enjoy playing competitive games together and share their love for science.

We visited Yosemite so many times. We took her to nature whenever we could. We hiked and when she got tired, the Geek would carry her. He was her rock as much as he has been mine.

We traveled the States, seeking nature over and over again. This is the girl whose horrible parents didn't take her to Disneyland, not even once (while all her friends did go). Instead, she developed a deep love and respect for everything nature. She believes in science - we all do.

My all-time favorite photo, Valley of Fire, Nevada, Thanksgiving 2013

And suddenly she was gone - first to college at UC Davis, then to Germany where she still lives. The bond between the two is still very strong and I am so grateful for that.

I love them both so much (and apologize for the long post).